Posts

Posted on

ME AND MY GUN

August 8, 2019

My father gave me a gun for my fourteenth birthday. I asked; he chose.

Surprise! It was a twenty gauge pump action shotgun. I still have it, decades later. It still works like new. Holds one in the chamber and two more in the magazine.

There is a wooden dowel in the magazine, commonly called a plug. It’s still there. Removal is simple and would raise capacity to five rounds. The reason for the plug is that state game laws, at least at the time, forbade going into the field with more than three rounds in the gun. I recently looked online to see if this was still the case and could not find any information on the subject. Maybe there is some sensitivity that state laws afford more protection to wildlife than to women and children at Walmart.

I would have liked to own a machine gun; but it was against the law. And I accepted the reasoning. Law enforcement could make a cogent argument against the weapons, pointing back to the days of Pretty Boy Floyd and Machine Gun Kelly with their Thompson sub machine guns (“Hand me that choppa!” Oh Brother…). And anyway, life on the farm wasn’t war. Still, I thought TV’s Sergeant Saunders was cool. He had a Thompson and every week saved a little bit of the world (which shall forever be Combat) from the Jerries who were lurking in every barn and farmhouse in France. We had a barn and farmhouse. I was afraid. I was a child.

I subscribed to Guns and Ammo and looked forward to the arrival of each new edition. I don’t recall there being much about military weapons, except occasionally by way of historical retrospective. My dad got Field and Stream. It had advertisements and reviews for, mainly, rifles and shotguns, alongside a great deal of fishing and camping gear, tales of survival in the wild, the one that got away, the bear that almost got the hunter, or maybe got the companion, and such. Dad was mainly interested in the fishing parts. Although he had a double barrel twelve gauge, and could use it, he had given up hunting because all the gun gave him was dead birds, which he didn’t actually want. Hunting was mostly the result of peer pressure from clients to remind each other that each was a real man. He was, so he gave up hunting because it didn’t suit him. Mom was happy with that decision, since it fell to her to pluck and gut the birds. What a stench! (“The steam will rise from my guts and I will sing no more.”- Jack White, Seven Nation Army). Once, by way of demonstrating how miserable this made her, she showed me how the little finger was used to push pheasant poop out the anal sphincter from inside the carcass. I became a vegetarian but remained a gun owner.

My wife briefly joined the NRA. She was in it for the free swag – especially the NRA caps. These are useful when you have to tell a carload of armed strangers that, no, they are not welcome to discharge firearms on your property under the guise of hunting, even if they promise to abstain from sipping from the flask while doing so. The cap makes them figure you already have the hunting base covered and it might be risky to intrude, given your evident love of guns. If you just tell them you’re a vegetarian and prefer your friendly local wildlife alive, no respect and occasional poaching. This can escalate to the threat level of potential armed conflict. So we kept the cap, but didn’t renew.

With NRA membership comes American Rifleman. Compared to Guns and Ammo and Field and Stream of yesteryear, the rag was a real eye-opener – containing as it did almost nothing but ads for para-military weapons. Assault rifles and handguns cover to cover. For the former, fifty and sixty round clips. For the latter, nine round clips for “concealed carry” and nineteen round clips for “home defense.”

Since I can hit what I’m pointing it at, I figure one roughly sixty-two caliber slug from the old pump action ought to be all that “home defense” should ever require at the distances encountered going room to room, up stairs, down stairs, in the hall. Looking for Colonel Mustard in the parlor. Concealed carry is not an option with a blunderbuss and not one that I would want under any circumstances. It reeks of premeditated murder rather than defense. Handguns are good when ordering the troops up and out of the trenches and are the most common choice of the suicidal, Kurt Cobain notwithstanding, as well as failed world dominators in their bunkers. Home defense? Most commonly used by family members against family members, including kids who couldn’t pick up, much less load, a long gun.

It seems to me, looking back at myself, that one of the central problems with assault rifles is their appearance. As with Sergeant Saunders’s Thompson, it’s hard to make an argument for them on legitimate hunting or personal defense grounds. But style matters; and if you grew up on Mortal Kombat, assault rifles have the look you want. This goes double if you’re a wannabe with the mind of a child, who would be rejected by the local police force or the military on grounds of lack of mental stability (or are, in fact, a child). If that’s you, and you’re still determined to save the world despite that badge or uniform for which you just can’t hope to qualify, a double barrel twelve gauge, even loaded with ball bearing equivalents, just isn’t gonna cut it in your mind. (Even though it would more than cut it in any reality most might imagine – I’m talking about the Real Reality here). Wouldn’t look right. Accessorize the AR-15 or AK-47 with the 60 round clip. Even though it will reduce ballistic performance, for good measure screw on a silencer. Looks great in profile. I take that back. Cuts down on flame spitting out the muzzle. Forget it. Retain only for photo ops online. Anyway, you want them to hear you, right? This is your swan song after all. With a silencer, you might hear actual cries of actual human anguish. Because real people don’t die in three dimensions the way actors do on screens. This could diminish the realization of your fantasy. Leave the silencer home. Rat-a-tat tat is the right soundtrack for this.

A study of the progression in gun advertising from early Guns and Ammo to the current American Rifleman would make a nice term paper (serving suggestion) and would also give the lie to the NRA’s preposterous assertion that American gun rights have somehow been eroding over time. The opposite is true. The government is not coming for your guns; the gun manufacturers are coming for your wallet. To this end, the NRA is currently advocating the inalienable right to a silencer to go with that concealed carry/home defense thingamabob they sold you on. They say it’s to protect your hearing – presumably while you’re out killing, since practice is almost always done wearing muffs, which are better. But more presumably so that one could better get away with one’s deed after preemptively defending oneself against whatever it was one was planning to defend oneself against after one decided to slip the Death Dealer 9 clip into the “carry gun” for “concealed carry” before leaving the home. And after making sure the “car gun” was ready. And that there were extra clips under the seat. And more in the glove compartment and some in the trunk. And after keeping as many DeathDealer 19 and 60 clips as could be afforded back home – for home defense in case the police showed up.

https://youtu.be/FqTAiUgOaqo

MOE

M.I.C.H. – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

Step 1 – Accept Chance

The first in a series of short Sunday posts on science and religion – toward a religion where we don’t have to pretend anything.

Sunday August 4, 2019

How often have we heard “nothing happens by chance” or “everything happens for a reason” ?

When, in fact, we know from experience that more or less the opposite is true.

Science is right on this one. Chance is not only operative in the world, it forms the basis of everything that goes on. The deeper you dig into the fabric of the universe, quantum fields and such, the more this appears to be so.

So, in order to have a religion where we don’t have to pretend anything, the first thing we need to do is accept chance as central to the operation of the universe.

How this could be so, and why it does not necessarily stand in opposition to the existence of any god, is simple, obvious, and will be posted next week.

MOE

M.I.C.H. – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

Elected Incompetence

July 23, 2019

We recently read an opinion piece by William Davies, published in the New York Times about a year ago (July 13, 2018). The title: “Boris Johnson, Donald Trump and the Rise of Radical Incompetence” about says it all. And what’s left is covered by the tag “Like America’s president, Brexiteers resent the very idea of governing as complex and based in facts.”

Radical incompetence! Now there’s a term for the times.

But what to do? Here’s a thought.

In the States we have two governments – professional and elected. It has come into fashion to attack the former as the “deep state” because of its semi-permanence and lower visibility. Although deep state is sexier, there were already plenty of terms on hand (bureaucracy, institutional memory, and maybe even the fundamental quality of inertia come to mind) to cover the bases regarding the professional government, or as Steve Bannon called it, the administrative state.

In reality, the administrative state is the government in the sense that it is what makes the government work. The United States Government is the United States. So deconstructing it, as Bannon has called for, would be an odd thing. This especially because the country is blessed with a good professional government, run by trained professionals who show up and tend to do their jobs competently day in and day out. Whether you agree with that last statement or not, it can be said that they possess demonstrable skills and take qualifying tests, such as the Civil Service test.

Then there is the elected government. Qualifications are essentially nil, unless you want to be President – in which case you have to have been born here and have attained the age of 35. A pulse helps. Lesser offices generally do not have such stringent standards.

Cincinnatus was a rare type and he’s long gone now. These days, those who seek elective office, more often than not, intend never to leave. In the absence of term limits, that’s entirely possible. Since those running for office are looking at it as a career, they should be asked to take a test, like the Civil Service test. Their scores should be posted prior to running. It is of vital interest to the people to know if a candidate can find China on a map, add up a column of numbers, spell their name correctly, follow instructions, and print clearly. If that is too much to ask, then the candidate should be directed to the barn to wait for the next feeding.

MOE

M.I.C.H. – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

At Least It’s Not Socialized

July 22, 2019

Student loan debt is now on the order of $1.5 trillion, higher than either credit card or auto loan debt and exceeded only by mortgages. Why?

Well, not that terribly long ago, the word went out from our version of Caesar Augustus that higher education should be made “affordable.” And all the world should not be taxed, because that would be political suicide.

Many advanced nations manage to make higher education affordable, in some cases free, by paying for it with tax dollars. But that’s socialist. Of course, we do the same here in our public elementary and high schools. America’s main socialist features are public education and the military.

But college is seen as different. So, loan programs were made available. And what happened? Exactly what could have been expected.

Any Realtor can tell you that when mortgage rates go down, or financing becomes in other ways looser, housing does not become more affordable. Prices simply rise to reflect the new level of effective demand.

So the price of higher education rose inexorably, year after year at multiples of inflation, in order to accommodate the new ability of customers to pay. Since the majority of schools are not-for-profit, outlays had to rise too, in order not to show a profit. These commonly took the form of ever higher salaries and expanded staffing in the administration – the faculty, not so much. Expensive new physical facilities were built, the better to attract paying customers with glossy photos of the new student center, gym, or stadium in the equally glossy brochures junk-mailed to wealthy zip codes.

And then there’s the for-profit sector. Whoa, Betsy, let’s not even go there; or to the multi-million dollar salaries some schools pay to acquire star coaches.

Bottom line: providing easier financing doesn’t mean you’re making a product more affordable. It just increases the likelihood that more of the product will be bought.

MOE

M.I.C.H. – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

Idiocracy Now!

July 21, 2019

As we wade evasively in the shallow end of a pool, the horseflies trying to eat our flesh and drink our blood in their unholy communion…

On both sides of the Atlantic millions now know what idiocracy – government by the very stupidest people a nation has produced – looks like.

To the east, a man aptly described by a colleague as “you stupid, dangerous oaf” stands poised to become Prime Minister. This in order to accomplish Brexit – something which, it has become increasingly clear over the past three years, should not be done. But the will of the people must be obeyed, even if it may not be their will anymore.

Vladimir Putin, an expert on democracy if ever there was one, has chimed in, insisting that if Britain retreats from Brexit, it isn’t a democracy anymore.

So imagine a car trip through the mountains. A route is decided on because it makes sense on the map at the time. But well into the actual drive, it turns out that a bridge over a gorge is out and there is no alternative route. While common sense declares that the driver reconsider, the passenger yells “gun it!” That is democracy. The route was chosen. Decisions made must be obeyed no matter what new information may appear in the field. Pick a new route? Vote again? That would mean a democracy is only governed by the most recent vote. Which is actually the case when you think about it.

Here to the west, the morning papers say that the trade war of choice declared unilaterally by our own stupid and dangerous oaf has now resulted in a nearly 90% decline in investment by a certain huge trading partner located on the other side of that other ocean. The asymmetry of percentages bears mention here. The percentage by which revenue can increase has no mathematical cap; but it can only decrease by 100%. And that point is near.

The above is no doubt well understood by the very stable genius in the White House, who claims to have graduated first in his class from Wharton and has therefore threatened to sue Penn if they release the information which would, presumably, corroborate his assertion. As someone whose father actually did graduate first in his class from Wharton, the writer is in a position to know one when he sees one. And Mr. Trump is not one; not even close. We leave open the possibility that he was first to exit the commencement ceremony.

MOE

M.I.C.H – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

There’s Gold In Them Thar Hills!

July 20, 2019

Looking back on fifty years of moon non-exploration, the following comes to mind.

The best thing that Neil Armstrong could have done would have been to sneak a gold nugget aboard. Dropping it casually on the lunar surface, he could have then exclaimed “Gold!” and pointed a camera at the shiny little object.

Within a few hours, people would have been building rocket ships in their back yards. A working pedal-powered star cruiser, built in a garage, would have been operational within the year. Soon after, the population of the Moon would have exceeded that of Toledo.

Instead, we are left with an excuse in place of all the promise of 1969:

When are you going to mow the lawn, Hon?

After we solve our problems here on Earth, Dear.

MOE

M.I.C.H – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

Closing time for America?

July 19, 2019

Question: Is it possible to be from somewhere other than where you were raised?

Suggested Answer: Nope.

The nonsense recently tweeted by the Remander in Chief regarding four members of Congress, three born in the USA and the fourth raised here from an early age, may represent a new low even for him but raises an important issue. Where is a person from? You know, so that they can be sent back.

It’s not the place of our birth. To paraphrase an old joke, we chose that location because we wanted to be near our mother. But we wouldn’t remember the place of our birth unless reminded of the fact. Interestingly, the one known in acronymity as AOC chose a hospital to be born in which was only about twelve miles from the hospital chosen by the president. And for the same reason – to be near their mother. Perhaps their mothers knew each other. Perhaps not.

A better definition might be that we are from the place where we spent our formative years. If that was more than one place, then maybe we get to choose the one we liked best. But it is never some spot on the globe inhabited by our ancestors rather than us.

There was a comment in an alumni magazine, which bears repeating, if badly. It was posted by a woman from San Diego whose appearance, we gather, suggested ancestry in East Asia. As she told it, to our recollection, a boor kept asking where she was “from.” To which she kept answering San Diego, because that was where she was born and raised. To which the boor kept responding, “No, I mean where are you from…” all the while gesticulating and drawing out the last word. San Diego, as it turns out.

The point being that, while we might like to track our cultural heritage, there is no obligation to do so, and the sense of our origins is not somehow built in. We are an adaptable, and adoptable, species. If we are raised from infancy by seagulls on an island, we will not have a sense of whether we are from Ireland or Japan. If the island has cliffs, our bones will be found at the bottom, where we tried to follow our siblings into flight. Because we are a seagull, from the island.

“Time for you to go back to the places you will be from” (Closing Time, band: Semisonic; writer: Dan Wilson)

To suggest that four members of Congress go back to the crime infested place they came from is not much of a stretch if, by that, you mean the House of Representatives, and would be an exact match for the Senate under Mitch’s leadership. However, it is ludicrous when suggesting that these women are from somewhere other than the United States. This is particularly dangerous turf for a white male – especially one who chooses European imports over American-made two times out of three. If the Trumps got here voluntarily circa 1880, we are reminded that the importation of those who got here involuntarily and against their will was banned starting in 1808. So, if your game show host offers you a small fortune to run out to the street and grab a fifth generation American without asking any questions, and assuming you do not immediately spot someone in full feathered head dress, your chances of winning would be best if you chose someone of color.

MOE

M.I.C.H. Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity

Posted on

All Those illions (Ms & Bs)

July 18, 2019

Q: What’s the difference between a million and a billion ?

A: Long story short: a factor of a thousand.

Since it is now popular to refer to anyone with an ungodly amount of money as a billionaire, it comes to our attention that many Americans think a billion dollars is somewhat more than a million, but just the next level, with a “b” rather than an “m.”

No, no no. We have a number for the next level: we call it ten million and on up to ninety-nine million. And for the level after that we also have a name. We call that one a hundred million. And, you guessed it, you can have up to 9.999 of those.

A billion is ten hundred million or, as the British so wisely called it back when such numbers seemed more unimaginable than quotidian, a thousand million.

So, when a tech divorcee recently announced that she is going to divest half (50%, oh my) of her wealth, reducing it from about $37B to about $18B, we might consider such generosity in the light of the fact that this will leave her with a mere eighteen thousand million dollars or, put another way, one hundred and eighty hundred million dollars, down from three hundred and seventy hundred million. Well, 37,000 million dollars was just too much anyway.

Good people, we are not doing ourselves any favors by swapping out the m with a b and shortening the number up for the sake of a convenient moniker (this is sort of the inverse of how we’re marketed 1000 milligram tablets of Vitamin C because 1 gram just seems like so much less). There’s something happening here, as the song goes, and it’s clearer if we spell out the actual degrees of difference.

MOE

M.I.C.H – Modernity, Intelligence, Complexity, Humanity